WHAT I DID ON MY SUMMER VACATION By Kyron Horman, age 7

I went to the school science fair and I showed everyone my baking soda volcano.  Everybody liked it and I set it off a whole bunch of times so lots of people could see it and I ran out of baking soda.  I asked where can I get more and teacher said the janitor closet so I went to the janitor closet.  I found some baking soda WAY up on a shelf so I had to climb up and get it.

When I jumped down there was this little man standing there!  He had BIG ears so he looked like Mickey and he looked really funny.  I asked if he was Mickey and he laughed and said no.  He said he was hungry and asked if I had anything to eat so I gave him an Oreo in my pocket.  He said thank you and made all these funny CHOMPCHOMP noises while he ate it so I laughed.  So he swallowed and burped and I laughed again.  He asked if I was thirsty and I said yes, how did he know that?  So he gave me a can of Coke and I opened it and drank it cause I like Coke.  When I finished it the little man asked if I wanted to hear something funny and I said yes and he said that wasn’t really Coke, it was magic flying potion.

And then I started flying straight up very very fast and I crashed through the ceiling and it went BOOM but it didn’t hurt.  And I looked down and I could see the town and everything and it was getting very very small and it was SO SCARY.  And then I couldn’t see anything cause I was in a cloud and then I was out of the cloud and then I stopped and I was standing on the cloud and it felt like standing on my bed.  And there was a man on the cloud and I said “hello” and he said “hello, my name is Jesus”.  But he didn’t look like the pictures of Jesus at church.  He looked like that scary Ben Loadin man from the news a little bit.  I asked if he was Jesus why didn’t he look like the church pictures and he said they draw him that way cause grownups are silly.  And then I knew he really was Jesus cause Jesus never lies.

Jesus asked me “what’s your name?” and I said “Kyron”.  And then he said “well, Kyron, do you want to help me with something” and I said “yes”.  And Jesus said the Mexico people had been sneaking into America and he was tired of it cause America is the only country Jesus likes.  He took me over to the edge of the cloud and there were a bunch of blocks that were like toy blocks and there were red ones and green ones and blue ones and yellow ones and some other colors too.  Jesus pointed down and I could see all of America and it looked really tiny.  He pointed to the line between America and Mexico and I started picking up blocks and dropping them and picking them up and dropping them and picking them up and dropping them and I did that a whole bunch of times until the whole line was covered with blocks.  And I missed with a block one time and it fell somewhere else and I asked Jesus what it fell on and he said Idaho and he said not to worry cause nobody would miss it.

And once I filled in the whole line and Jesus said congratulations and that I was a hero cause now the Mexico people wouldn’t be able to steal America’s candy anymore.  He asked if I wanted to help him celebrate and I said yes.  He said we were gonna have a Coke party and that made me happy cause I like Coke.  So he took my hand and we flew over to another cloud where a lot of ladies were dancing in their underwear.  GROSS.  I was afraid of getting cooties and Jesus said there are no cooties in heaven so I guess it was okay.

And there were also a bunch of tables on that cloud and some of the tables had poles coming out of them that the ladies were dancing around and some of the tables had BIG piles of white stuff on them and you could see your reflection in the top of the table.  I asked Jesus where the Coke was and he pointed at the white stuff and said right there.  I said that was funny-looking Coke and Jesus said it was grownup Coke but I could have some cause it was my birthday.  I said it wasn’t my birthday and Jesus said in heaven every day is your birthday.  And then we went over to one of the Coke tables and Jesus picked a little straw out of the Coke and he made a little bit of the Coke into a little line like I do when I eat peas and then Jesus put the straw in his nose (SUPERGROSS) and he breathed in and the little line all went up the straw and then he took the straw out of his nose and tilted his head back and sniffed a whole lot and then he said “Oh yeah, that’s good word-Daddy-says-I-can’t-say”.  And then he pulled out another straw and made another little line and gave me the straw and said here, try this.  So I put the straw in my nose and it tickled a whole bunch and I put the other end of the straw down by the line and I breathed in and the Coke went in my nose and it tickled even more than the straw and I felt like I was going to sneeze but then it went away.

And then WOW, I felt like I ate a whole bunch of candy and drank a whole bunch of normal Coke but even more than that!  I felt like Speedy Gonzales so I started running all over the place and yelling “Arriba, arriba, andale!”  And Jesus started laughing and said the Mexico people were starting to sneak into heaven and we needed another other-word-Daddy-says-I-can’t-say wall.  And I started running along the edge of the cloud really fast and Jesus said be careful I don’t fall but he distracted me when he said that and I tripped and fell off!  And then I was falling down, down, down, down, down and America started getting bigger and bigger and I could see my blocks only now they were REALLY REALLY big.  I kept falling and it was SO SCARY so I closed my eyes.

And then I wasn’t falling anymore and I was someplace really dark and it was hard to breathe and it was SO SCARY so I started crying.  And then I heard this noise like unzipping a backpack and then I could see and a policeman was standing over me.  I asked where I was and he said I was in a duffel bag in Mama Terri’s closet.  So he took me home and I got to ride in a police car and it was fun.  Mama Terri got to ride in one too except she was in the back seat and she kept her hands behind her back for some reason.  And then I got home and Daddy started crying for some reason.  I guess it was cause he’s a grownup and he’s silly like Jesus said.

So that’s what I did for my summer vacation.  I was surprised cause it didn’t feel like all summer but I guess it was.  I had fun except for the scary parts and those didn’t take very long so it was okay.  I see on the news that the President keeps trying to move the blocks so I hope he doesn’t make Jesus mad because I think he’s cool even if that loud man on the radio doesn’t like him.