Friday, October 23, 2009

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Finally getting rid of these crabs!

I had planned to spend this post talking about my special project: what it is, my plans, what it means for this site.

But you know what? Fuck that. It'll keep until next week. Something else has come up--something with roots in this blog's short history.

Attack Attack's frontman has quit.

Without a doubt it was my vicious yet richly-deserved denunciation of his life's work what drove him to flee the musical C-list in tears. Like critical tinnitus, my words reverberated through his head until finally he could no longer bear the shame of shrieking in service of what is basically that band from the opening of Brutal Legend.

But you know, I have difficulty believing he'll disappear from public view. Not because he's a promising talent with a long career ahead of him, but because he's so fat.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Sometimes good things come out of my ass

I'm gonna click "Random Page" on Wikipedia 50 times and write the second sentence of every page!

Its seat is the village of Ruja, which lies approximately 18 kilometres (11 mi) east of Legnica, and 45 kilometres (28 mi) west of the regional capital Wrocław. The population was 10,599 at the 2000 census. This organization offers six potential programs to the student, five at the High School level and one at the adult education level. Established in 1997, ANTHC is owned and managed by Alaska Native tribal governments and their regional health organizations. Headed by Colonel Marmaduque Grove, left-wing militaries deposed in the 1925 coup the September Junta, and handed the power to General Pedro Dartnell as interim president, hoping to recall from exile Arturo Alessandri Palma. Chile was chosen as host by FIFA in June 1956, as the World Cup returned to the continent of South America after 12 years. It orbits the Sun once every 3.65 years. The domain was founded by Maeda Toshiie and headed by the Maeda clan. It is located at the former NMBS station. It lies approximately 5 kilometres (3 mi) north-east of Charsznica, 10 km (6 mi) north-west of Miechów, and 42 km (26 mi) north of the regional capital Kraków. Designed in the Spanish Colonial Revival architectural style, it is an especially fine and intact example of the 'atmospheric' type movie theater developed in the 1920’s.

In Rataj's taxonomy, E. trialatus is in Section Paniculati, Subgenus Echinodorus. It lies approximately 10 kilometres (6 mi) north-east of Mosina and 10 km (6 mi) south of the regional capital Poznań. A priest who later became a bishop, Norbert Provencher, ordered its construction in 1818 in the form of a small log chapel. It is a small Turkish town and growing holiday destination, with the town being pleasantly developed with a range of tourist amenities. Flower is also a director of 2change Ltd, a management advisory business. In 1940, Barcza took third place, behind Max Euwe, and Milan Vidmar, at Maróczy Jubiläum in Budapest. Collier Read Granberry was born in 1899 in Austin, Texas where he spent the majority of his life as a teacher and civil servant. Covering the first five years of her career, 1971 to 1975, the compilation includes six top ten hit singles, two minor hits ("Legend In Your Own Time", "Attitude Dancing") and two album cuts that were never released as singles ("Night Owl", "We Have No Secrets"). He was a cabinetmaker with a particular expertise in the art of marquetry. He later sat as MP for Westminster.

Williams was owner of Wedell-Williams Air Service Corporation, "one of the most noted race plane designers of its day". In 1997 Jonas Winge Leisner replaced Niels H.P. as the primary vocalist. It became one of the most popular Czechoslovak bands during the 1980s. Relevant oxidation states are Sb(V) and Sb(III). It can be used as an antihypertensive drug during surgery or to control hypertensive crises. She was named in honor of her late aunt Annia Cornificia Faustina. Born Anthony Roger Tonge in Birmingham, he was working as an £8-a-week post office clerk and performing in amateur dramatics in the evenings when he landed the role of Sandy Richardson, the motel owner's son in the ITV soap opera, Crossroads, a role he would play for 17 years. There are two Boy Scout camps: Rodney Scout Reservation, also known as Camp Rodney or RSR, located in North East, Maryland, and Henson Scout Reservation, also known as Camp Nanticoke or HSR, near Galestown, Maryland. DGCA is also a compressed archive format, the next generation of 'GCA'. The book tells the story of Kirk Winfield, his marriage to Ruth, and their child called Bill.

He was born in Oslo. It is part of the Chaudière-Appalaches region and the population is 2,357 as of 2009. It is endemic to Kenya. It is a personality trait marked by a pervasive pattern of negative attitudes and passive, usually disavowed resistance in interpersonal or occupational situations. Singles that were taken of this album were Eve Of Destruction and October Grey (AUS#55-May 98). In Switzerland, it is the only institute of hospitality management of HES ("Haute Ecole Spècialisèe", or University of Applied Sciences) level offering advanced programmes which are recognized by the Swiss government. A former President of CAPO - Capital Arts Patrons Organization (1999 – 2002), he now concentrates on Event Production for the Government and Corporate sector and is also actively involved in the development of strategies and resources to promote Canberra as a conference destination for national and international delegates. The song reached #4 on the Billboard Hot 100 and claimed the number one spot on the Billboard Top Rock Tracks chart for two weeks in 1985. It was located 1 mile (1.6 km) north of Volcano. She rose to fame in 2005 with her role in the Egyptian movie Wija as the femme fatale.

The 52nd Illinois Infantry was organized at Geneva, Illinois and mustered into Federal service on November 19, 1861. Bolaji is a novelist, short story writer, playwright, poet, literary critic, biographer, editor and journalist. The larvae are predators of other mosquito larvae. He has played 27 international matches for the Swedish national team, and was a squad player for the Euro 2000 and Euro 2004. Before directing Six Feet Under, many of the following directors have roots that can be traced to independent films. On 8 October 1970, during the October Crisis, it was broadcast by CBC/Radio-Canada television as one of many demands required for the release of kidnapped British Trade Commissioner James Cross. The event is held annually in Paget, Bermuda since 1999 and takes part on the challenger series of the ATP Tour. He is the son of 1992 Formula One world champion, Nigel Mansell, and elder brother of fellow racing driver Greg Mansell. The butterfly was earlier known as Lycaenopsis akasa. It is located between Maluri, Cheras and Pandan Indah, Selangor.

Well...I wound up clicking it a few more than 50 times, actually. Some of those pages either didn't have proper sentences at all or only had one.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Writing endings is hard

Haven't done one of these in a while! What better way to revisit the feature than with the weirdest goddamn thing in my collection so far?

I give you Module SJQ1: Spelljammer--Heart of the Enemy.



The module's in pretty good condition, but still a little banged up, probably due to idiots (and, er, me) taking it out of the plastic bag and reading it. I am, of course, storing it in the bag. No, it's not really this orange--I took this picture at work.



The enclosed map's in near-perfect condition. It details the general layout of and various locales in this weird-ass solar system. But more on that in a bit.

I haven't hunted down a Spelljammer boxset yet, but I already know more than a bit about the basic setting and concept. I mean, this is literally Dungeons & Dragons in space--how could I NOT hunt down every scrap of info I could?

So I already knew this setting was a little bizarre, but it wasn't until I read Heart of the Enemy that I realized just how bizarre. This thing has a solar-system-sized ecosystem, a pyramid-shaped star with pegasi living on the inside, planets flattening out like pizza dough because their sun turned green, a comet shaped like an old man's head that carries things around in its mouth, a wizard who thinks sleight-of-hand tricks are more interesting than real magic...it just never lets up. When talking constellations are the least weird thing in a module, I know I have a winner on my hands.

What, then, is the point of all this oddity? Well, the setting's space-elves (who are as per D&D tradition snobby and condescending, but still somewhat less dickish than elves in other settings) get word that this weird-ass solar system, Darkspace, is home to the control unit of a witchlight marauder (a planet-destroying organic superweapon). They hire the adventurers to travel to Darkspace, find the control unit, and then acquire the marauder before the space-orcs, or "scro" (you see what they did there, they...never mind. I don't understand why the space-elves aren't called "sevle") get ahold of both. Oh, and while you're doing that, be a dear and figure out which one of your ship's crew is a scro double agent, will you?

So yes, this is a very busy module. It's also unusual in another way by 2nd Edition standards: it actually seems survivable. It's no walk on Mount Celestia by any means, but it's no Tomb of Horrors either--of course I say this not having actually played the thing, but it appears pretty well balanced for a mid-level party. There are a few TPK moments, but they're not mandatory to complete the adventure and they'll only come up if the PCs actively look for them. In fact, it looks harder to run than play; the module drops only vague ideas as to how to drop enough hints to reveal the traitor's identity, relying heavily on the DM's ability to do so in a manner both fair and challenging.

Would I play this? Hell, you even need to ASK? Anything which breaks away from the standard D&D template of "walk around an old castle's basement killing monsters and looting the place" is going to be right up my alley. It's fun, don't get me wrong, but sometimes variety is good, you know?

I have a recurring problem when it comes to blog posts: I can never think of a way to end them. So let me just close by saying...um...planets will also turn into rhomboids if their sun turns periwinkle. There we go.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Yet another new feature

Here's your weekend music video:


I actually looked up how to spell "fhtagn"

Last Sunday, I attended the H.P. Lovecraft Film Festival & Cthulhucon at the externally fabulous Hollywood Theater.

There was almost no point, really. Not because I didn't have a good time--I did--but because I didn't even need to go in to see the coolest fucking thing I have ever seen in my life. I saw that standing in line outside. Really, it's like if Lemmy walked around outside before the Motorhead concert passing out speed to people in line.

BEHOLD!



IA! IA!!! The guy said his wife knitted this for him. She needs to get a merch booth at next year's festival--she'd make a fucking KILLING. I'd buy one; it's much better than what I wound up with.



You can't really read the text in this picture. Basically it turns out Lovecraft hated Republicans almost as much as he hated black people. Fits the era's Democratic Party like a glove, sorry to say. I do like this, but was pretty slim pickings for shirts--the next-best one had Cthulhu's face forming one of those gay-ass Celtic knots.

I was more interested in a couple other booths; one guy was selling what looked like every Call of Cthulhu RPG supplement ever printed. Really--he had the original-rules stuff, he had the D20 Delta Green stuff, he had everything. Another guy had put special bindings on old anatomy texts so they looked like the Necronomicon. I didn't get anything from either of these booths, sadly--I can't find enough people interested in running a CoC campaign to justify buying any more books, and I just didn't have that kind of money to spend in the latter case.



And here's the last bit--just my pass and this year's program. I liked The Mist, but not enough to stick around for it. Stephen King will do a much better Lovecraft impersonation when he learns his laughable faith in what he pathetically calls "God" will avail him for naught when sunken R'lyeh rises once again CTHULHU FHTAGN! Seriously though, the climax of The Stand? That shit was just fucking embarrassing.

Anyway, on to the movies I did see. I started out with a block of short films, which like all shorts blocks was very hit-or-miss. Only the last one, Forlorn Hope, made any real impression on me.

After that came Night of the Eagle, based on the "classic" novel Conjure Wife by Fritz Leiber. It was decent, if at times hilarious when viewed through 21st-century eyes, and more like a really long episode of The Twilight Zone than an actual movie (which makes sense considering the film's writers, Charles Beaumont and Richard Matheson, both wrote a shitload of Twilight Zone episodes). I liked the movie more than the book, actually (I've always preferred Leiber's proto-D&D-style work), if only because the male protagonist is made more likable. Oh, make no mistake, he's still a prissy condescending sexist who pays the price for his doucheyness, but at least in this version he knows when to throw in the towel on the whole "rational scientific explanation" thing. The ending, however, has been changed and is very, very, VERY abrupt. It's like Beaumont and Matheson couldn't think of an ending, just threw up their hands and said "Oh well, this thing's about at feature length anyhow. DROP THE EAGLE!"

Last, I saw The Colour From The Dark, an Italian adaptation of Lovecraft's story The Colour Out of Space. Basically director Ivan Zuccon took Lovecraft's classic story (considered by the man himself his best), gave it a European exploitation-film sensibility, and made it shit. I really, REALLY hope certain scenes in this movie were supposed to be funny, because they sure as hell were. EVERY DAMN TIME this movie built up anything resembling dread or even basic dramatic tension, along came a line or scene which would just bring down the house in helpless laughter. Many in the standing-room-only audience resorted to open MST3K-style mockery, myself included--much to the displeasure of the two guys sitting in front of me, one of whom subsequently referred to me as "fucker". Fortunately for him I was too busy popping my knees (the screening having taken place in what was apparently the Hollywood's midget theater) to repay his kindness with the reenactment of several Cannibal Corpse lyrics. Whatever, asshole! You saw the same movie I did! And you know damn well it was no silent-film Call of Cthulhu! Prick.

Anyway, I know it sounds like I'm bitching a lot, but overall I enjoyed the festival. I'm planning a return trip next year--hopefully I'll get my very own ski-mask! And if I see another terrible movie, perhaps whoever sits in front of me won't be the director's cousin or something!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

I still wasn't paying $45 for a T-shirt, though

What did I do last Saturday? Oh, not much. Just saw FUCKING MOTORHEAD, is all.



And I got pictures. Not good pictures, mind you, but the best I could get from the Roseland's balcony with a cellphone.

The picture above is of the opening act, The Reverend Horton Heat. Who were awesome. Seriously, I'd go out just to see them in concert, they were that good.

There was another opening band too, called Nashville Pussy. MAN did they blow. They were a total throwback, and not the good kind like Motorhead and Horton Heat. The only good part of their set was when the frontman kindly removed his cowboy hat so the assembled throng might point and laugh at his combover skullet, thereby deriving some small amount of pleasure from their otherwise-forgettable set.

This is a pattern I've noticed at every concert I've been to--two opening acts, the first one terrible, the second almost as good as the headliner. It's almost like promoters feel sorry for these first acts.




See, I have no idea what these two are supposed to be pictures of. Some of them I had to delete 'cuz you couldn't even see this much. As always where Motorhead's involved, you just had to be there. Or buy the performance DVD it looked like they were filming that night.




Heh, now this was funny. Motorhead did an acoustic piece by the name of--what else?--"Whorehouse Blues". Have you seen Lemmy play a harmonica? No? Then you, my friend, have not lived.



From the drum solo, I believe. Their drummer is very talented but, like all drum solos, it was way too long and incredibly boring. It wasn't his fault--such is and ever shall be the way of the universe.




More videos of I-don't-know-what-the-fuck.

Before you ask--of COURSE Motorhead played Ace of Spades. It's okay--remember, there are no stupid questions. Except that one. They also played a couple songs from an album they released when I was a year old. That fact stunned me at the time--I felt compelled to yell it out loud. Not that they ignored their more recent albums; they played a couple from their last two as well.

Do you think it's a hassle from bands this old to put setlists together? Motorhead are fairly lucky in this area, I think, because they only really have one must-play song. What must it be like for bands with a dozen hit songs or more? No wonder some concerts go on for 3 hours or more. Still doesn't excuse the ticket prices if you ask me...



And here we have the aftermath. I showed up just early enough that I didn't have much trouble getting in, though the line was already back to Couch St. by then. I'm glad I got there when I did though, because by the time I got to the door the line had completely reformed behind me.

Getting out, though, was a bit more hassle. It literally took like ten minutes of inching towards the stairs and finally out the door--it was worse than when I saw Opeth. Still, it could've been worse--the place could've been on fire.

It's not often I make it out to concerts. When someone I want to see comes through, nine times out of ten I have to work the day they're playing. When I do make it out, though, it's always a memorable time, and this was no exception. I understand why a lot of the guys there were seeing Motorhead for the fourth or fifth time. And DAMN were they loud--good thing I wore earplugs, cuz if I'd been deaf I probably could've heard them through the vibrations in my sternum. And the guy I was sitting in front of flatly refused to wear earplugs. Scary.

Myself, I had a sore throat for two days afterward from screaming my head off between songs. Totally worth it, though. Hell, I would've stage-dived off the balcony if I'd thought anyone would've caught me.

Yes, I have seen Motorhead live. And that is yet another reason why I am cooler than all of you. Combined. Unless, of course, you're a roadie for Motorhead. Or are actually IN Motorhead. Or you're Horton Heat...

But I AM cooler than Nashville Pussy! So there!

Friday, October 2, 2009

Is there ANY problem alcohol can't solve?

Well, um...I've gotten myself into a bit of a situation here.

See, I know I promised two entries a week, and I'm gonna stick to it--I really am. Thing is, I'm in no mood for another D&D review after Tuesday's dreadfully unfunny and angry 3.5 beatdown. I haven't seen any analysis-worthy Youtube videos recently, I don't have the special-project stuff together yet and nothing really earth-shattering's been happening this week. There IS some interesting stuff going on this weekend which will definitely make this blog, but I can't very well write about stuff I haven't done yet, can I?

So, I have no idea what to write for this entry.

Instead, I'm going to try something I've never been much good at--improvisation. I have my web browser up and running and two large bottles of Heineken. Guess I'll just ride this train and see where it takes me....

You know, I just wrote a whole hell of a lot to say "I have no idea what to write". That's a start, I guess.

Watching the new Bad Movie Beatdown video right now. That kid is such a smug know-it-all. No wonder I like him. Even if he hated Equilibrium.

You know, Deadwood is really awesome. I don't know why I never watched it when it was still on--oh yeah, 'cuz I didn't have HBO. That's right. It's gotten to the point where if I watch a Bonanza rerun I expect them to yell "cocksucker" at each other.

Okay, first bottle of Heineken's done. Portland's turned me into a total beer snob but still, I like Heineken. It's pretty much the only wide-release (is that the phrase?) beer I like. I drink PBR too, but that's just 'cuz I'm poor.

My mom thanked me for linking to her site. That bitch better have linked back...

Starting on the other bottle. I thought about pouring it into my Widmer stein but it felt too much like adultery.

Saint's Row 2 is really, really fun. I mean, it's not GTA IV, but it's not the cheap knockoff I was expecting either.

Oh yeah! Feelin' the beer buzz! Maybe I should just get a Twitter account...

I'm approaching that level of inebriation where my good taste starts to evaporate. I could almost listen to Nightwish right now.

I know I've said it before, but Pandora is awesome. And yes, I have played the Seanbaby game. I was not ready. And what, exactly, is "excessive vamping"? 'Cuz Pandora seems to think an awful lot of bands have it.

The Song of Ice and Fire TV series is shaping up to be awesome. It starts shooting in a month. I wonder which will come out first--the show or the next book?

I need to find a way to incorporate the phrase "rent butthole" (meaning "rent" in the context of "torn") into everyday conversation. Since this is me we're talking about, I'm sure I'll find a way.

Just finished the second bottle. WHEEEEE!!! I know enough not to go out and buy a third. One more and I'll just wind up feeling like shit.

Making dinner now. Chicken and green beans. Same thing I have every night on alternating weeks. The other weeks I have chicken salad wraps. Yum.

"scooters, vacation, fall"? What odd choices for example posts.

Somehow I'm still not too drunk to proofread this thing as I go along.

You know what I haven't had in a long time? Tater gems. I'm aware most people call them 'tater tots', but those people are wrong. And probably rapists.

Max Baucus is a total douchelord. It needed to be said.

I finished reading the AD&D 2nd Edition Player's Handbook today. Yes, that'll be on the site soon. Just as soon as I finish reading the Dungeon Master's Guide--I'm planning on giving my thoughts on 2nd edition in general. SO JUST BE PATIENT YOU BASTARDS

Just finished dinner. Damn, I likes me some canned green beans. In fact, I like them more than fresh green beans.

And with that, it's time to call this one good. Thanks for your patience--next week's will be MUCH more interesting!